A Less Than Successful Cycling Experience

So, you're probably thinking that I'm going to write all about my bicycle adventures from Labor Day weekend, right?  Ha!  Well, the BOTW house was definitely off two wheels the entire weekend.  We had grandiose plans, but the Mr.'s old back injury flared up early Saturday leaving him completely immobile all weekend.  So, we spent most of our time watching way too much Star Trek.

However, a good friend of ours participated in a couple of bike events over the weekend (we will call him Alan) and filled us in on his adventures.  I'm now going to pass them on to you because there are several important lessons to be learned from his experiences.  They're also good for a laugh. Of course, many of us have been through similar situations and made the same mistakes.  I winced as he recounted the tale, having gone through the same pains myself.  It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one that's made bad decisions.  So, please enjoy my retelling of Alan's bikepocalypse.  Feel free to snicker, commiserate, and hopefully we'll all learn from his mistakes.

Alan has a roommate we'll call Joe.  Joe likes riding his bike around in the Valley and the Towpath Trail regularly.  Alan likes to mountain bike, but has only gone about three times this summer.  One night, Alan and Joe were out for some beers.  Joe waited until Alan was in an agreeable mood before he enacted his cunning plan.  In the morning, Alan discovered an email in his inbox that went something like this:

"Congratulations!  You have successfully registered for the 63 mile course of the STOMP Bicycle Adventure, sponsored by Metro Parks Serving Summit County!"

He was less than enthused, but Alan being Alan, he couldn't back out.  How bad could it be?

Well.  As everyone has told me, "With STOMP, its either pouring rain or 100 degrees or both."  This time it was 100 degrees.  But that wasn't his only problem.

It all started with pedals.  He recently purchased new SPD pedals for his mountain bike and loves them.  Before STOMP, he wanted to switch them onto his father's custom bike he was going to use.  But.  He forgot.  Unfortunately, he also forgot to change the cleats.  So, right out of the gate he had cleats that didn't fit his pedals.  There is nothing more irritating that riding when you can't click in.  About 10 miles into the ride, they miraculously engaged, but now he had the opposite concern.  What if he couldn't click out?

On top of that, he was riding his dad's custom bike.  The key word here is custom.  He and his dad aren't the exact same size, so what's custom for Pops is far from custom for Alan.  Oh, and this bike is designed like a track bike, so comfort wasn't taken into account whatsoever.  It didn't take long for the neck and shoulder spasms to begin.  Not only was he riding a bike not designed for distance, but its position was completely different from he was used to.  Oh, the torture!

The 2011 63mi course he recorded on MapMyRide

For a while, he was doing ok.  But, when he got to Silver Creek Metro Park (the turn around) it all went downhill.  Correction, it was up hill and down and up and down (as you can see from the profile).  The poor guy was completely spent when he began the last 10 miles.  The ill-fitting bike and lack of distance cycling fitness had caught up.  Plus, this course wasn't exactly designed for the beginner distance cyclist.  The comments on the website concur, even from those that had prepared for it.  Crawling up one of those hills, he had to get off.  Even Joe cramped up.  Immediately, they were bombarded by the guys from the SAG wagon.  After a few minutes of hydrating and resting in the shade, they were able to complete the course.  Unfortunately, by the time they hit that huge descent on Everett road, he was so out of energy he could barely stay upright.  He described in vivid and painful detail his struggles to squeeze the brake levers as everything began to fade to black.  The route ended at Hale Farm & Village and the organizers had food prepared for everyone in the barn.  From what he described, much of what they had were things like sausage sandwiches.  That was the last thing he wanted to eat.  So, he grabbed some fruit and headed home.  The whole ride took them about 5 hours.  Alan was adamant that he'd never do that to himself again.

But, it gets better.

The next day he registered for The Big Valley Race at the Manatoc Experience Mountain Bike Festival.     This was Alan's first racing experience.  In the rain.  In the mud.  He showed up just before he was set to start in the Beginner's division.  As soon as they took off, he knew he was in trouble.  His legs had nothing left from the day before.  Not only that, but the trail was so slick from all the rain that he spent just as much time on his back as he did on the bike.  At one point, he deliberately dismounted and used his bike to slow his descent on the trail to avoid sliding off into a ravine.  As he battled his way through the course, he quickly fell into last place.  Much to his amusement, the contestants in the women's race were closing the gap behind him.  I told him he should check out the Century Cycles Cyclocross Clinic tomorrow night before he attempts something like that again.

The 8 mile race course at Camp Manatoc

When the race was over he and his bike were completely caked in mud.  He was totally unprepared for this turn of events.  He has a hatchback and no rack.  Normally, that's not a problem.  But, he did not want to get in his car, let alone put his bike in there in that condition.  Did he notice the water spigot right by his car?  Did he call his friends that have the Jeep with the rack?  Of course not.  His solution in his weakened state was to ride his mountain bike down Akron-Peninsula Rd. to his apartment in the Valley.  So, he rode all the way down Truxell and made it a few miles down A-P when all of a sudden he realized he didn't have his apartment keys.  Excuse me while I crack up here.

Anyway, he biked all the way back as everyone who passed him on the road asked if he was ok or if he was lost.  He saw that spigot when he got back to his car.  But, he said he would love to race his mountain bike again.  Despite coming in so far behind he was almost in the womens race, falling constantly, and being so tired he couldn't think straight, he had a blast.

Alan survived the weekend, but barely.  There's a lot we can learn from his experiences.

1.)  Train for the event, even if you are a fit, twenty-five year old guy.
2.)  Use a bicycle you are experienced with and that fits you.
3.)  Check your equipment in plenty of time, not the day of.
4.)  Heck, make sure you even have the necessary equipment.
5.)  Hydrate.
6.)  Don't bite off more than you can chew.
7.)  Most importantly, don't let your friends talk you into things after you've had a few beers.